“OMFG, Are-You-For-Real” Decadent Chocolate Pudding

I’m 25 days into an allergy elimination diet and I feel like I am going mad.

(She looks just like me, minus the Tammy Faye Baker mascara streaks and the bruise on my forehead from banging my head on my desk.)

This diet, offered by my friends at Metabolic Effect, is a more extreme version of my detox plan and it is designed for digestive healing – something I have wanted to undertake myself on a deeper level for several years, but until now it hasn’t been the right time and place in my life to do so.

So I jump in gung-ho last month and eliminated a laundry list of common foods that would make your wince, PLUS any food not on that list that I eat three or more times per week. (adios, chicken!) I quickly discovered that most of the spice blends I rely upon for flavor had forbidden elements to them. So I’ve been leaning on salt and pepper and am bored to tears tonight with any options I have available to me.

Some of this is poor planning on my part – I got too wrapped up in work to ensure my fridge was stocked full of fun foods on the okay list. I plowed through my exotic meats and haven’t made it back to the butcher to get more. (BONUS – I have tried kangaroo and elk this last month! I may go for the water buffalo next. Not sure what to do with python meat, but I want to try it…so much fun!) Thus the last few days have been piecing together pathetic excuses for a meal from the back of my cupboard, trying to make do with something satisfying if I am eating out (so far, this is impossible) and trying not to say “the hell with it!” and stuff brownies into my mouth while I am making macaroni and cheese and melting ice cream in the microwave so I don’t have to worry about brain freeze.


One of the things that has kept me sane is the recipe I am sharing below. It feels SO NAUGHTY that I don’t even want to get fresh strawberry pie or ice cream or a latte (okay, maybe I still want a latte) or any of the other treats I have whined about the last 3 1/2 weeks. I’m counting my lucky stars that this plan said nothing about eliminating cocoa powder, so I have been relishing this pudding spoonful by spoonful. It is thick, creamy, sweet enough to satisfy and so quickly made I feel like I am cheating somehow. Whether or not you are on a food restricted meal plan, you simply MUST make this decadent dessert and share it with your favorite people!

“OMFG, Are You For Real” Decadent Chocolate Pudding (gluten,soy,dairy,egg and sugar free)

1 cup coconut cream, 1 ripe avocado, 2 tbsp. cocoa and 6 dates.

Yeah. That’s it.

Throw everything but the dates into a blender, then add the dates one at a time until desired sweetness is achieved.


Not one to keep a recipe as is, I decided to adjust my second batch to bring in some protein and reduce the sugars from the dates. I added 1 scoop of Vega Sport Performance Protein powder – an excellent soy-free, vegan protein powder that is my favorite choice right now. The recipe turned out slightly different but just as good, and I was able to reduce the amount of dates to 2 due to the stevia in the Vega Sport.
That recipe is as follows:

1 scoop Vega Sport Performance Protein Powder

1 avocado

1 1/3 cup coconut cream (more liquid is needed to offset the dry powder)

2 tbsp. cocoa powder

1 tsp. vanilla (optional)

2 dates, pitted.

Repeat the process above.

For those following the Metabollic Effect Plan, or understand hormonal carbs, there are only 6 grams of hormonal carbohydrates per serving (a generous 1/4 of the recipe). This is rich enough that I am quite satisfied with a honking spoonful, so I end up with about 8 or so servings each time I make it.

Alas, I have no ripe avocados at the moment. But soon. Soon. This recipe will be the key to making it over the next few weeks.

Tonight, however, begins food prep night. Pounds of produce grilled, roasted, and baked. A couple of salmon fillets that will get the standard salt and peppering, and yummy yams for something sweet until the avocado ripens.



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